delírios expulsos, amantes passados

If I’m masculine, I will be taken more seriously.
I’ve watched this experience raise them to pseudo higher levels.
I’d like you to be schooled and in awe.

I’m in the front row with popcorn!
How soon will I be holy?
I’ve lived as much hell as you have.

And therein lay the problem.
You took it upon yourself;
You know how much you hate to be interrupted.

How much will this cost, Guru?
I’d be the hero, and still it would not come.
I’m in the front row with popcorn!

I was afraid of verbal daggers.
How dare he?
So you were banished.

Ave Maria, Ave Maria…

I was afraid of your physical strength.
How long ’til enlightenment?
How much longer ’til you’ve completely absolved me?
I’ve watched you smile as the students bow to kiss your feet…
Do you see me hanging on to every word you say?

I would drink vodka, and still it would not come.
It doesn’t always have to be about you!
We said "let’s name thirty good reasons why we shouldn’t be together".
I started by saying things like "you smoke" "you live in New Jersey"
You started saying things like "you belong to the world".

I’m in the front row with popcorn!
How long will this take, Baba?
I’ve watched them leave their family in pursuit of your nirvana!

I’d have an orgasm, and still it would not come.
If I am famous, then maybe I’ll feel good in this skin.
I like the fact that you’re nothing like me…
But I have as much rage as you have.
Why are you so hypersensitive?

I have as much pain as you do.
I was afraid of your seduction, your rejection.
I’ve seen them overlooking God in their own essence
I’d be lying if i said i was completely unscathed
Would I be letting you win in my non reaction, yeah?

Because i can’t afford to be misread one more time!
I’m in the front row with popcorn.
I don’t know.

I’ve walked sometimes confused sometimes ready to crack open wide, sometimes indignant, sometimes raw…

Would i be whining if i said i needed a hug?
Who are you to tell me that I have unresolved problems?
Why do you affect me still?

I was hoping we could be raw together
But then how can I begin to forgive?
How can you just throw words around like grieve and heal and mourn?

I was afraid of your alcohol breath,
I would starve myself and still it would not come!

And how can I complain when I’m the one who reaches for it?
Because I can’t help wonder why you ask me!
Do you believe we are fundamentally judgmental?
Fundamentally evil?

Would you feel slighted if I said your love’s not enough?

KADICHARI M.

(montagem com músicas de Alanis)